![]() Steven Poole, who has written a book on ‘unbearable office jargon’ told Radio 4’s Today programme that office jargon can sometimes have sinister undertones. What does it say about people who use these phrases? Why do people speak such tosh? What kind of people use such guff?Īnd so to the obvious question. Take your own journey. Make sure you are going forward. If someone starts blithering on about ‘the journey’, it’s probably best that you get up and walk out of the room. ‘We need to bring people on the journey with us.’ For some reason, everyone in corporate land is now packing up the mules and going on treks across desert dunes. It just means easy pickings, something that doesn’t require much effort. However, it’s still used by a lot of people in suits. This juicy piece of jargon is so trite it’s now lifeless. It means to attempt to make something better or advance a project. No, this is not something you roar at the DJ over the din of some banging Deep House tunes. Giving more than 100%, which is impossible, but implies a lot of effort. Don’t bother sweeping the sheds here and we certainly won’t pivot that idea. Let’s move on we can’t be a change agent here. It simply means things are going well, so keep doing what you are doing. This cracker is so old Methuselah used it. Less dramatically, it means ‘to waste time’. ![]() It conjures up volcanoes, catastrophe, and billions of dead fish. This one is currently doing the rounds in corporate land. What it means is to have a humble attention to detail. Sweep the shedsĪn old school farming metaphor it appears. Are you on all fours with that? Should we get down on all fours and look at it from the client’s point of view? If someone uses this phrase, crawl out of the room. Pivoting is what you do when your business model proves to be less than 110%. You cannot be a modern, thrusting executive unless you are a “change agent”, daringly leading whatever change it happens to be. The phrase means to justify or pay for itself. If a child can wash its face, it’s able to do something useful? Perhaps. This sounds like a ‘child-rearing’ metaphor. One can just imagine a room full of junior execs, with a huge bunch of French onions, clawing away at the skins and weeping. Perhaps they’re trying to evoke some divine intervention? Peel the onion This is still widely used by managers who don’t know how to get everyone in agreement. Why business jargon is so prone to sporting metaphors is anyone’s guess? Singing from the same hymn sheet It appears many people working in corporate offices are hauling around expensive object-detection systems that use radio waves to determine the range, angle, or velocity of objects. They’re not. Again, anyone who uses this is neither creative or innovative. It means thinking creatively and innovatively. You’ll most likely need a shower on hearing it used at a meeting. This is the terrible way to say ‘let’s come up with several ideas’. This awful phrase means to do something detestable but good for the business. It is used by people with no creative ideas who are constrained by lack of imagination. It means creative ideas free from practical constraints. Blue sky thinkingĪnyone who uses this humdinger should be given a wide berth. Ever. Saying ‘Let’s touch base offline’ is worse than saying ‘Going forward’. So if someone says ‘let’s touch base offline’, a wise person will never, ever meet or talk to that person again. This one is the most hated bits of jargon of all time. The 21 most hated bits of business jargon Touch base offline If you have a particular favourite slice of business jargon, let us know here so that we can update this list. With this in mind, below are the most annoying phrases you should avoid. It doesn’t reflect well on you for many reasons. But if you have, you may be guilty of talking tosh. Have you ever touched base offline in a thought shower while boiling the ocean, punching a puppy, and sweeping the floors for some low-hanging fruit? Perhaps not. ![]() Avoid it at all costs and avoid people who use it
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